Dear Diana,

I've been married to my husband for over 20 years. We’ve built a life together, raised kids, and weathered a lot. But this past year has been especially hard for me. I’ve been going through perimenopause, and it’s taken a toll on both my mental health and my sex drive. I’ve felt like a shadow of myself—more anxious, disconnected, and exhausted than I’ve ever been.

A few months ago, I found out that my husband had been unfaithful. It shattered me. He says it “just happened” and that he didn’t mean to hurt me, but I can’t stop wondering what I did wrong. Was it because I’ve been struggling? Was I not enough? Did my changing body or mood drive him away?

I feel humiliated and broken. How do I move forward from this? How do I stop blaming myself?

— Lost and Betrayed

Dear Lost and Betrayed,

I see your pain, and I want you to know you are not alone. What you are going through is heartbreaking, and the most important thing I can say is this: this is not your fault.

His choices are about him, not you. Infidelity often comes from insecurity, fear, or avoidance, not from a partner’s worth or desirability. Please do not let his actions make you question your value.

You are in a tender stage of life that calls for care and compassion. Give yourself space to heal and reconnect with what makes you feel strong and whole.

Many women find comfort in reading the experiences of others. Books like Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark or The State of Affairs by Esther Perel can help you feel less isolated and bring perspective to the confusing emotions that come with betrayal. If you are looking for encouragement on how to rise again after pain, Rising Strong by Brené Brown offers beautiful insight into finding your footing after heartbreak.

As you move through this, try to focus on what you need for yourself in order to heal. Do not fall into the trap of reacting in the way you think you are supposed to. This is your journey, and your needs come first. When you make your healing and well being the priority, everything else will begin to fall into place around that foundation.

Whether you choose to rebuild your marriage or move forward in a new direction, remember this: you are still worthy of love, and you are enough exactly as you are.

With care,
Diana

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